Earning My Wings

Minus the the rational thought that we so proudly wear. Minus the material possesions that we hold so dear. There is something in the soul that has no explanation. Many have attempted to explain it and remove it by force. This thing that we have is a desire to have a purpose. There appears to be a purpose for all of us, not a preordain purpose that some would exploit for personal gain but a purpose that we can not escape. Some of us chose to be victims, others chose to be the heroes, other attempt to be the villians and still others seek other archtype templates that are not predetermined but more likely asumed as we move through the perception of reality.

I am convinced that my role in life is to be the reluctant-savior/hero. I share this because I have met enough people and interacted with many people to start to see that people to turn to me for leadership or aide or compassion, at first I will often neglect what is asked of me by others. Only after seeing the pain that a person goes through do I decide to intervene. I also see the need to place myself in proximity with people who are gouing through a difficult period. I sometimes feel that I am a nexus point of strife and difficulty. Only through hind sight do I see that people search me out, to force their misery upon me and hopefully to feel better about themselves. This exchange of misery in fact keeps me in check by giving me a fake sense of purpose.


The reluctance that keeps me from being always in the melee is that I have seen some horrible sights in my life. A few have been shared by my friends but I believe that I have seen the brunt them. Sometimes I feel that I am trying to earn my wings. That if I do enough and if I help enough people, I will go to heaven. Oddly enough I do not believe in a heaven for the reason that many do. The reason of paradise and happiness, I see that the existance of heaven and the existance of a hell will only give me a greater purpose to face the demons that so many people have to face everyday.

There may be some common sense in what I wrote this morning, but I do not believe that I can find enough purpose in the world besides the acquistion of goods. The Sun is rising another day looms in the horizon and another day to make a difference.